Our marriage: Part 1 - Downsides in the early stages

Lately, aku rasa mcm nak duduk rumah je.
Layan FF, jaga makan dia semua...

Aku & FF dalam 5 hari weekdays, boleh kira la brp jam ktrg jmpe, borak2.
Satu, both of us keje.
Dua, sorang keje siang, sorg keje malam.
Tiga, FF tido je..aku balik. Aku tido...FF gi keje.

The only time we really have is on weekend.
Itu pun kalau xde aktiviti lain.

So, due to this factors, banyak bende aku tak dapat buat with him.

1. Masak:
Aku selalu sangat nak masak for FF.
Breakfast, lunch, dinner...
Tapi sejak kahwin ni, aku boleh kira brp kali je aku masak.

Awal2 kawin ade jugak masak, tapi malam hari FF lepak dgn member die...
tak luak pun nasik yg ade.

Kadang2, bile aku keje lambat mcm kol 4 ke, FF akan gigih balik.
Sebab nak makan dgn aku.
Aku pulak makan tak jaga...
Sampai dia ckp, "Kalau org takde, awak takkan makan."
Yela, aku breakfast pun tak.

Which leads to,
2. Makan together:
Time breakfast, FF akan breakfast sorg2 kat office.
Sebab aku biasenye akan tido.
Keje malam penat dowh...lagi2 kalo kene balik kol 1.

Time lunch, ikut my work schedule.
Kalau keje lambat, boleh la lunch same2.
Kalau keje awal, tak dapat la.

Time dinner pulak, confirm2 FF dinner sorg2.
At times, member2 die ajak dinner same2.
Kire ok la kalu ade org teman die.

But still aku rasa bersalah coz kesian die.
Dah kawin but xde org jaga makan die.
Makan luar jugak tiap2 hari.

3. Family event:
Biasenye, aku akan MIA.
FF je yg attend family events, aku pulak kene keje.
Kalau sound awal2, ok la kot dpt pegi.
So, most of the times, tak dpt la aku pegi sbb diorg sound pun last minute.
Kalo sound awl sket, biasenye kene amik cuti la ape lagi.
And cuti pun susah nak dpt sbb usually dh ade org lain book.
Hmm...

Then,
4. nak ada Baby:
Aku keje malam...rasa cm bersalah lak nak ada baby.
FF pun tak setuju if we have a baby while I'm working late at night.
Nanti sape nak jaga?
Aku kalau bole, anak2 tu nak la aku jaga sndiri...
Bile dah besar sikit, baru la amik pengasuh ke ape.

So, at this moment of time, belum lagi kot.
But still, kalau Allah bagi rezeki, then we have to come up with a solution.

So, I guess that's soem of the downsides yg we have la skrg.
But I am blessed to have someone yg understanding as FF.
Dia tak kesah sgt and die slalu ckp, "Takpela..skrg ni kite susah2 dulu.."
Alhamdulillah, we're blessed with many things.
Rumah ade, kereta ade, keje ade, mmg cukup.

They are of course upsides to our situation, tp maybe lain kali aku cite.
Skrg ni bersyukur la dgn ape yg ade...just look at the upsides je.
Insya-Allah one day, maybe aku boleh conquer the downsides tu.

To FF: Thanks syg for having me as I am and let me work my way =) Love you lots and lots!