Heard about death and immediately thought...


Just heard that a friend's child has been diagnosed with diabetes type 1. His child is about the same age as Lulu. It was just sudden. The news is heartbreaking.
But what is more heart breaking is the next story he told. They were in ICU and the next bed was a baby who had severe denggi. That baby died afterwards.
Truly heart breaking. The mother was inconsolable. Obviously.
I straightaway imagined if these things happen to my girls. But I had to force myself not to.
I had to fight myself from crying when I think about these things.

Just a week ago, Lulu recovered from denggi. We believe that it was contracted while we were in Kota Tinggi for a wedding, after considering the timeline. She first had the fever the day we landed in Perth. The day after we arrived home, I took her to the clinic and the doctor tested her for denggi. It was positive.

The doctor said that we were lucky nothing bad happened while we were in Perth.
Allah is great. At the last minute, we asked my mom to follow us to Perth so when Lulu was down with fever, we had extra hands to take care of her. She was okay in the morning but as afternoon comes, she will get so weak.

When I heard about the baby, I immediately thought about Lulu and felt so thankful and grateful to Allah for keeping her safe. I thought about myself not being a good enough mother. I thought about death and the kids, and I'm scared. I won't be able to face it. I thought about death and FF and me, and I'm scared too. I feel like I'm not fit to be in heaven and I'll surely go to hell. And then I thought about who will take care of the kids?

I try as much as I can to not be too worldly. Often, I feel like what matters is life. As much as we all want to be rich, the utmost important thing is our happiness in life. Having a lot of money will not bring you happiness if it cannot keep you happy and content. I ask Allah to give me & my family the best life for us..I just want to be content. I do ask for more rezeki from Him, but I also want Him to not give me too much if it means I will stray further away from Him.

Right now, the most precious rezeki Allah has given me is all of my family; parents, siblings, husband, kids, grandmother, etc. I can't imagine losing them, at all.

Okay, tears threatening to fall. Bye.