You can guess that a lot has been happening in my life by the previous post.

Salam.

Been a while eh?
Anyway, it's the 10th! Me & FF's anniversary!
For the moment, we're not in the mood of celebrating it yet...too much going on.
Had the 2nd baby in July, then me back to work (rezeki datang alhamdulillah), FF with his IPOs, team buildings, exam...etc etc.

Our 4 years of marriage, I wouldn't say it is all smooth sailing. We had our share of quarrels the past years...I think more so after we had Lulu. Then, when we started to get our groove back, I got pregnant again. And now, things are a lot different than last time. This time, FF works...like the average people. So, a lot of difference between first pregnancy & the 2nd. I also didn't have much help this time, in pantang, after pantang and even now. Because FF wants me to do confinement in our home, means I have to take care of baby & me, myself. Moreover, 2nd baby a bit more demanding...and challenging.

Nowadays, FF always merungut that I don't spend enough time caring for him...which also always annoys me everytime he utters this.
My time are spent. Each and every day for the babies, that I don't even have enough time for myself.
Even if I have time, I spend it on doing my work.
A lot of times I longed for some hours to myself. Just to relax and be with myself...
But I guess mothers never get to relax. Even when you are out alone, all you think of is your babies.

So, for our 4th anniversary, I don't want anything materialistic I guess. I just wish that FF would give me a break. For him to understand that staying home with the babies is hard work. That I have been attending them all day and would like him to take over at night. Bond with them while he's at it. I wish that he'd understand the sacrifices we have to make. And although there is "Penat" in the kamus, we just cannot succumb to it all the time.

I hope FF truly knows that I support him in his love for his career, and encourage him to expand his knowledges & skills. Yes, it has taken much of his time away from family, but I understand that he found his passion. And I believe as a grown man, he is able to plan his time & be responsible too.

I pray that the Almighty bless us family with lots of love for each other and for Him.
I pray that whatever comes, He will guide & help us go through it.
I pray that He'll keep my family save, especially my children.
I pray that me & FF's love will stay forever.

Salam, Hi.
Yes people.
I am pregnant. 6 months to be exact.

Wasn't supposed to be pregnant.
We had lots of things planned out...
and one of it was to go for Umrah, and we had just fully paid when I found out about the pregnancy.
Even my body & mental state was not ready for pregnancy.
The moment I knew, I was down.
And even more down & stressed out when the sickness started.
This time, much much early.

I hated my pregnancy.
I wished that I wasn't pregnant...
and I wished that I don't have to go through the 10 months of carrying a bub in my tummy.
I wish that I had the baby magically appear in my arms without having to go through all the trouble.

I was so glad that Allah lifted most of my burden during my Umrah trip.
Mama & my cousin helped me a lot during the trip. not to mention FF was there too.
Back in Malaysia, before having enough rest, my Tok Bak passed away.
And we rushed to JB that weekend.

After JB, I started vomiting & having sickness again.
It sucked.
But I guess, I've gotten use to it.
I'm not 100% out of the sickness yet.
There are days which is bearable, there are days I feel like giving up.
Most days I feel like crying myself out of this sickness.
But I have come a long way.

This baby is special.
A lot of firsts during this pregnancy, a lot more struggle, there was a brush of death faced during the time in Madinah...
So, here's to hoping I can keep my patience for the next 3 months.
Insyallah.